oursexyexploration:

ARE BULLS OR BOYFRIENDS BEING TRAUMATIZED BY HOTWIVES?

An interesting question and one I will do my best to answer thoughtfully…

When you enter into any situation, lifestyle or otherwise, there is the possibility for someone to get hurt.  Take dating, for example.  You meet a nice guy, go out on a few dates, sleep together, one person becomes attached while the other person doesn’t – is dating causing trauma?  No, because there were no promises made in the dating situation, only a “lets hang out, get to know each other and see if this works”…if it doesn’t then we part ways.

This is the same in a Bull situation for a Hotwife, and actually much more up front in terms of expectations being laid out.  In my situation, and most that I know of with other Hotwife relationships, the “third”, “Bull”, “lover, etc, knows from the very beginning what they are getting into.  In fact, most people meet online, and most online profiles that are looking for a “Bull” clearly state exactly what is desired or expected – as do any of the profiles that I have had past or present.  In fact, every profile I have ever had on any site clearly states I am part of a “couple” and D has full access to the profile (as he has full access to this Tumblr account) so he can read messages, respond to messages, etc.  I never “go out looking”, I have plenty of people who respond to my profiles and I simply choose from there the ones I have chemistry with and D is comfortable with.  D is fully able and welcome (and often does) speak with men prior to me meeting them and sometimes if he gets a bad vibe then we decide against that person.  It’s a team effort.  In a lot of Hotwife situations, the husband actually meets the Bull or Boyfriend either prior to the wife meeting him or with the wife for the first time.    

All “Bulls” know the game.  Most “Boyfriends” know the game.  Contrary to what many people believe, there are a lot of men out there who either have lives too busy to have a relationship, who enjoy their single life, etc., who enjoy having sex occasionally (or more than occasionally), and these are typically the men who respond to profiles for “couples” or “Hotwives”.  Experienced Bulls get their sexual pleasure from playing that “role”…this entices them and they enjoy it.  In many situations, the “Bulls” are actually married as well and are in open relationships or swinger type relationships.  It’s all out in the open from the beginning.  I, personally, have a NO CHEATERS rule, and I am very good at sniffing out the men who are attempting to cheat on their wives by being a “Bull”.  In one situation, I actually corresponded with the wife of a man I saw for a month or two so that I could be sure that she was okay with the situation – she was and she was also engaging in sex outside the marriage.  

Is it traumatic to sleep with someone who knows from the get go that they are with a woman who is attached, NOT cheating behind her husband’s back, and is looking for a “no strings attached” arrangement and has actually spoken at length to both the woman and her partner about the situation, the lifestyle, the expectations, etc.?  I don’t necessarily think that it is…and if any trauma occurs, I don’t feel that there is blame to be put on the couple.  In my situation, and most that I have spoken to who engage in the lifestyle, there are weeks if not a month or more of negotiation, explaining of expectations, getting to know someone – both Hotwife and her husband, before any dates are made.  These men know exactly what they are stepping into when they get into this situation.  

Of course people can develop feelings, although it is a lot less common than you might think, this is one of the dangers of the Hotwife Lifestyle (both for the Hotwife, the Husband and the Bull), and something I have written at length about in many articles – ways to make this less likely, ways to keep this from happening, etc.  There are safeguards in place to make sure that every step of the way the Bull or Boyfriend knows exactly what type of situation they are entering into and continuing with.  Everyone is just there to “have fun”, these “thirds” are not looking for long term relationships or else they would not have responded to an ad for a “couple”.    

I have known swingers (a lifestyle you seem to be much more okay with) who where one person has fallen for another part of a couple.  I know monogamous people who have fallen for people outside of their marriage.  These things happen, sadly, and while it’s sad it’s not a reason to suggest that a lifestyle is abusive or bad.

It seems as though we simply have different views on this subject matter and that there is no remedy for that.  I answered this question because I felt that it was helpful for readers who are getting into the lifestyle or who are in the lifestyle and looking for the right “third”.