Emma writes that most people who raise the prospect of hotwifing are husbands. That’s probably true for now, for two reasons:
Wives are only just beginning to hear about it, so the exposure hasn ’t been there for wives to consider it for very long, and
Wives with the fantasy are more reluctant to bring it up for fear of triggering their husband’s jealousy, sounding slutty, or worse.
Regardless of why, the truth is that I hear about more and more wives who have this interest. They’re good wives who love their husbands, and they can’t imagine how to raise their fantasies with their husbands without hurting their feelings or angering them.
That’s where Emma’s article is so valuable. She explains why this topic can be so sensitive for husbands who haven’t previously considered it, and explains some ways for making sure he’s ready to listen. This is kind of a big bombshell to drop on men who have only ever heard of (a) monogamy or (b) cheating. He’s going to assume the worst if he can’t take a deep breath and hear about all the different options in between these two familiar words.
The basic needs he has are the same as yours: respect, confidence, boundaries, and a general sense of stability and security. If his needs for love and security are met, he’ll be more interested in listening.
You can also send him to sites like this one and others. Learning about compersion can be really important, and seeing just how aroused other husbands get by their wives “naughty behavior” can help them see different ways of looking at their wife’s sexuality. Ideally, he won’t just consent—hopefully he can get to where it turns him on like crazy. Like in all our dirty captions! 😈
As time goes on and more women get in touch with this fantasy, we’re going to need a lot more articles like this one!
Religious husband worried about wives dressing too sexy
I am not making this up. While searching for hotwifing articles, I came across its exact opposite: religious people who feel the need to police other people and make sure they aren’t being too hot. This article uses the words “hot” and “wife,” so it showed up on the first page of results. Here’s some text from the article:
They were sitting on the couch across from me, and the wife had on some super-short shorts. Think Jessica Simpson in the horrific remake of Dukes of Hazard pair of denim cut-offs. Nah…shorter than even that, actually. When I asked the husband if he would be cool with male company coming over and seeing his wife dressed that way, he said, “Yes,” and then took it a step further and said “If they end up feeling some kind of way, that’s their lust problem, not ours.”
What was even more interesting is that the wife said “Is what I’m wearing too sexy? I’ve had a few people talk to me about that lately.”
Apparently, the problem is that a woman will mess up a guy’s soul if she is too good looking and dresses sexy? The culprit seems to be that lust is bad. Who knows?
I personally find lust to be a fun and amazing addition to the day, and I’m happy when I get some lust going on, and when other people get to feel it too. To me, it sounds like this person would shame you for driving by a bakery and lusting for that fresh-bread smell.
Anyway, if you’re feeling like your kink for seeing your wife undressed for other people is weird, you oughta see how weird the opposite alternative is.
Literally nosing into other people’s marriages and telling them how to dress, and telling people on the internet about why they need to cover their wives up. And especially picking on this one couple in the opening story—shaming this husband and wife who opened their home to this author, only to have this written up about them. Now that’s fucked up.
If you want to dress in a burqa, go for it. If you want to wear a granny dress and you and your husband like what that does for your relationship, that’s your business. If you and your husband like it when you dress sexy and get a little extra attention…well, you’re here reading this, so obviously you’re also going to get no judgment here. But if you go to peoples houses and start shaming them for wearing short shorts, and do an Internet expose at their expense? Now that is a problem. Tagging this with #respect and #boundaries, because clearly they’re lacking both.
WATCHING MULTIPLE MEN HAVE SEX WITH THE SAME WOMAN STRENGTHENS SPERM.
Consider this: In a study in which researchers collected straight men’s ejaculate after they masturbated to one of two different pornos, they found that guys who viewed a gangbang scenario in which multiple men were having sex with the same woman released more active sperm than guys who watched a video of lesbian group sex. In other words, it seems that men are unknowingly increasing the sperm level in their ejaculate in response to the specter of competition.
One of the most common outcomes, and one of the objectives husbands are really after in this: a wife who’s sexually alive and aware of her super powers!
(Yes, there’s a typo in the caption. Who cares, it’s totally beside the point. The dude who made it was probably just all hot and bothered when he was typing.)
Actually, it’s nice when you can find a playmate who can actually provide a mini-vacation!
Dinner, drinks, some sort of fun distractions…Even if you never actually had sex.
This is one of the big reasons why many married women seek out affairs after 10–20 years of marriage. It’s a shame they have to lie and deceive to get something that’s basically pretty understandable. And tame.
And as many specialists are concluding: besides the unethical deception, the long-term benefits can be really good. If you remove the terrible parts (lying, betrayal) and do it ethically, it can be extremely beneficial for a weary wife and mother.
(Even better if the husband finds it arousing to imagine what she’s doing.)
It’s just a short getaway, and you can return home to the family feeling very relaxed and ready to reconnect.
This is one of the several reasons why so many husbands get turned on by this kink. He loves feeling possessive, and sharing only highlights that.
Husbands with this kink have a totally inaccurate reputation for not being possessive. For a lot of men, it’s a high-level possessiveness without jealousy. It’s almost like saying, “She’s mine, not yours—even if she lets you touch her, she’s coming right back to me.”
“I have something (actually some one) you’d love to experience. Will you get to touch her? Hmmm, that all depends on a lot of things…but I get to kiss her whenever. Because I’m a badass who’s married to this hottie.”
Hotwifing emphasizes:
The permanent, solid, immense value of the wife to the husband, that he’s incredibly infatuated and confident of his bond with her.
Her absolute desirability, that other men would want her like that, and that her desirability is a part of her, and that suppressing this desirability would be criminal.
The contingent, conditional, temporary value of other men outside the marriage—they have no innate relationship to her, only what she and her husband allow.
The wife’s conviction that her husband really finds her this desirable, and that she’s so confident about his commitment to her, and the realization that her relationship to any other man only emphasizes the permanent depth of their marriage commitment.
A crude, but effective, illustration I’ve heard elsewhere is that a man who values his wife like this can be compared to a guy who has a prized Lamborgini sports car.
This thing is a valuable, amazing possession. He’s going to be very possessive—don’t try to steal it! If you’re a decent and trustworthy person, sure, he’ll let you run your hand along the surface and sit in the seat. If you’re a really worthwhile person, he might let you go slowly down the driveway. If you’re really a special person who knows what they’re doing, he might sit in the passenger’s seat while you drive. But he’s going to be watching the whole time, and making sure you treat this prized possession better than they treat anything else.
And he has the satisfaction of knowing this car is his all day, every day. Letting you drive it and say “oooh, ahhh, amazing car” only reminds him that he’s the lucky owner.
Letting “her” go around the track once or twice with another driver only makes him more eager to get back in the driver’s seat of the car he loves.
Now, instead of a car a guy owns, replace it with a loving wife, a person who nobody actually owns and never really could. She chose him too, and loves him back. This is the woman he prizes above every physical object, whom he wants to grow old with. Nobody owns her, but he likes to feel like they willingly “own each other” in a way.
Just like that Lamborgini owner, he loves showing off his most amazing “prize.” Hearing someone praise her or get turned on by her would be scary if he didn’t truly trust that she loved him back. But he believes that they’re really meant for each other. Unlike a car, she loves him back—which really puts things over the edge for him. Like, a total wash of emotions!
Obviously, every metaphor has limits. This one? Be careful not to reduce a woman to a possession or an object. The lesson isn’t about her as some sort of possessed object. Please. The lesson is about the husband’s feelings. She can’t be possessed, but he still feels possessive. She can’t be owned, but he can get a satisfied feeling that resembles it enough to make it feel good.
It’s about all the trust and pride that goes with it.
This explains a little bit how so many husbands don’t feel jealous, but still feet super possessive of their relationships with their wife. People who jump right to jealousy without ever once trying to understand what jealousy means are missing something. And they’re not going to understand compersion, for sure!
Don’t mistake a lack of jealousy for the absence of care, love, and deep attachment. You can be very sharing and also very careful about your relationship.
Knowing that your wife turns on other guys can be incredibly arousing! But knowing she’s yours for life is priceless!
Hotwife Facts and Fantasies 