This is one of the several reasons why so many husbands get turned on by this kink. He loves feeling possessive, and sharing only highlights that.
Husbands with this kink have a totally inaccurate reputation for not being possessive. For a lot of men, it’s a high-level possessiveness without jealousy. It’s almost like saying, “She’s mine, not yours—even if she lets you touch her, she’s coming right back to me.”
“I have something (actually some one) you’d love to experience. Will you get to touch her? Hmmm, that all depends on a lot of things…but I get to kiss her whenever. Because I’m a badass who’s married to this hottie.”
Hotwifing emphasizes:
- The permanent, solid, immense value of the wife to the husband, that he’s incredibly infatuated and confident of his bond with her.
- Her absolute desirability, that other men would want her like that, and that her desirability is a part of her, and that suppressing this desirability would be criminal.
- The contingent, conditional, temporary value of other men outside the marriage—they have no innate relationship to her, only what she and her husband allow.
- The wife’s conviction that her husband really finds her this desirable, and that she’s so confident about his commitment to her, and the realization that her relationship to any other man only emphasizes the permanent depth of their marriage commitment.
A crude, but effective, illustration I’ve heard elsewhere is that a man who values his wife like this can be compared to a guy who has a prized Lamborgini sports car.
This thing is a valuable, amazing possession. He’s going to be very possessive—don’t try to steal it! If you’re a decent and trustworthy person, sure, he’ll let you run your hand along the surface and sit in the seat. If you’re a really worthwhile person, he might let you go slowly down the driveway. If you’re really a special person who knows what they’re doing, he might sit in the passenger’s seat while you drive. But he’s going to be watching the whole time, and making sure you treat this prized possession better than they treat anything else.
And he has the satisfaction of knowing this car is his all day, every day. Letting you drive it and say “oooh, ahhh, amazing car” only reminds him that he’s the lucky owner.
Letting “her” go around the track once or twice with another driver only makes him more eager to get back in the driver’s seat of the car he loves.
Now, instead of a car a guy owns, replace it with a loving wife, a person who nobody actually owns and never really could. She chose him too, and loves him back. This is the woman he prizes above every physical object, whom he wants to grow old with. Nobody owns her, but he likes to feel like they willingly “own each other” in a way.
Just like that Lamborgini owner, he loves showing off his most amazing “prize.” Hearing someone praise her or get turned on by her would be scary if he didn’t truly trust that she loved him back. But he believes that they’re really meant for each other. Unlike a car, she loves him back—which really puts things over the edge for him. Like, a total wash of emotions!
Obviously, every metaphor has limits. This one? Be careful not to reduce a woman to a possession or an object. The lesson isn’t about her as some sort of possessed object. Please. The lesson is about the husband’s feelings. She can’t be possessed, but he still feels possessive. She can’t be owned, but he can get a satisfied feeling that resembles it enough to make it feel good.
It’s about all the trust and pride that goes with it.
This explains a little bit how so many husbands don’t feel jealous, but still feet super possessive of their relationships with their wife. People who jump right to jealousy without ever once trying to understand what jealousy means are missing something. And they’re not going to understand compersion, for sure!
Don’t mistake a lack of jealousy for the absence of care, love, and deep attachment. You can be very sharing and also very careful about your relationship.
Knowing that your wife turns on other guys can be incredibly arousing! But knowing she’s yours for life is priceless!
Hotwife Facts and Fantasies 