Tag: communication

Have you seen this caption on people’s Facebook or Tumblr pages?

You know, usually on the page of your friend or relative who married a cheating douchebag, who then abandoned her when he was confronted? Yes, we can all agree that sucks. Nobody in their right mind would advocate for Mr. Cheato Jerkwad.

Yeah, this fills a need for them. It helps them imagine the love and security they never got from their partner. I’ll never ridicule them or argue on their timeline about it. They’ve already been through plenty.

What they’re trying to express with this caption is a deep-seated need we all have. They’re asking, “Will you be loyal to me? Or do I have to be afraid of losing you, too?”

We’re explicitly, totally against cheating. And we feel sorry for anyone who’s been betrayed.

Unfortunately, this caption also creates extremely unrealistic expectations. (Exactly as dumb and unrealistic as a lot of the ridiculous hotwifing captions you thumb through on here.)

If this is the measure of true love, you might as well hire an animator to paint you into a Disney movie, because this is a fantasy that doesn’t take into account biology, psychology, or the kind of development that occurs in the healthiest relationships.

Besides that, the whole thing is so vague. Who is “a psychology professor?” Is it a man or a woman? Are they American, Czech, Thai, or Hatian? Do they work at a big college, a community college, or a basement correspondence school? Did they say this in class, or while giving a toast at a wedding, or after watching a romantic comedy with friends?

It sounds more like somebody said something they really felt should be true, then looked for a way to give it some authority. “Oh, you know who people think are smart about these things? Psychology professors!” So they invented the fact that a psychology professor said this thing that they want to be true. It makes it feel more true.

But the statement itself is so absolute and one-sided. All people are absolutely monogamous demisexuals? Widows who still love their deceasing husband will never be able to get attracted to a living guy? Swingers who stay married for 60 years weren’t in love? You mean polyamorous people don’t exist? That’s pretty extreme.

Let’s get it straight: this isn’t a psychology fact at all. It’s…

  • a nice sentiment, like unicorns and Care Bears
  • a way for betrayed people to imagine what a better person would be like
  • guaranteed clickbait
  • widely believed, especially in conservative contexts (some churches teach things like this)
  • detrimental to people in real relationships
  • an extremist position
  • not something you’ll find agreeable to many real-world therapists and psychology professors
  • great for cartoons and Hallmark movies, but not for real life

So in conclusion, this meme applies in a way to cheaters and those they abandon. It’s completely irrelevant for most of us. And exploring our fantasies together in a loving, full-communication, functional marriage can go a long way to preventing people from even being tempted to cheat.

So ladies, keep checking out men’s butts, and be sure to tell your husband about it 😈. Guys, don’t start to develop needless anxiety because you read something like this caption. You’re both fine. Don’t let shit like this mess with your head. It doesn’t apply to us!

A Wife’s Guide for Bringing up Hotwifing

Emma writes that most people who raise the prospect of hotwifing are husbands. That’s probably true for now, for two reasons:

  1. Wives are only just beginning to hear about it, so the exposure hasn ’t been there for wives to consider it for very long, and
  2. Wives with the fantasy are more reluctant to bring it up for fear of triggering their husband’s jealousy, sounding slutty, or worse.

Regardless of why, the truth is that I hear about more and more wives who have this interest. They’re good wives who love their husbands, and they can’t imagine how to raise their fantasies with their husbands without hurting their feelings or angering them.

That’s where Emma’s article is so valuable. She explains why this topic can be so sensitive for husbands who haven’t previously considered it, and explains some ways for making sure he’s ready to listen. This is kind of a big bombshell to drop on men who have only ever heard of (a) monogamy or (b) cheating. He’s going to assume the worst if he can’t take a deep breath and hear about all the different options in between these two familiar words.

The basic needs he has are the same as yours: respect, confidence, boundaries, and a general sense of stability and security. If his needs for love and security are met, he’ll be more interested in listening.

You can also send him to sites like this one and others. Learning about compersion can be really important, and seeing just how aroused other husbands get by their wives “naughty behavior” can help them see different ways of looking at their wife’s sexuality. Ideally, he won’t just consent—hopefully he can get to where it turns him on like crazy. Like in all our dirty captions! 😈

As time goes on and more women get in touch with this fantasy, we’re going to need a lot more articles like this one!

The Reluctant Husband – A Shared Wife, hotwife blog, sex articles, erotica

hotwifetricks:

http://hotwifetricks.tumblr.com/archive

This is one of the several reasons why so many husbands get turned on by this kink. He loves feeling possessive, and sharing only highlights that.

Husbands with this kink have a totally inaccurate reputation for not being possessive. For a lot of men, it’s a high-level possessiveness without jealousy. It’s almost like saying, “She’s mine, not yours—even if she lets you touch her, she’s coming right back to me.”

“I have something (actually some one) you’d love to experience. Will you get to touch her? Hmmm, that all depends on a lot of things…but I get to kiss her whenever. Because I’m a badass who’s married to this hottie.”

Hotwifing emphasizes:

  • The permanent, solid, immense value of the wife to the husband, that he’s incredibly infatuated and confident of his bond with her.
  • Her absolute desirability, that other men would want her like that, and that her desirability is a part of her, and that suppressing this desirability would be criminal.
  • The contingent, conditional, temporary value of other men outside the marriage—they have no innate relationship to her, only what she and her husband allow.
  • The wife’s conviction that her husband really finds her this desirable, and that she’s so confident about his commitment to her, and the realization that her relationship to any other man only emphasizes the permanent depth of their marriage commitment.

A crude, but effective, illustration I’ve heard elsewhere is that a man who values his wife like this can be compared to a guy who has a prized Lamborgini sports car.

This thing is a valuable, amazing possession. He’s going to be very possessive—don’t try to steal it! If you’re a decent and trustworthy person, sure, he’ll let you run your hand along the surface and sit in the seat. If you’re a really worthwhile person, he might let you go slowly down the driveway. If you’re really a special person who knows what they’re doing, he might sit in the passenger’s seat while you drive. But he’s going to be watching the whole time, and making sure you treat this prized possession better than they treat anything else.

And he has the satisfaction of knowing this car is his all day, every day. Letting you drive it and say “oooh, ahhh, amazing car” only reminds him that he’s the lucky owner.

Letting “her” go around the track once or twice with another driver only makes him more eager to get back in the driver’s seat of the car he loves.

Now, instead of a car a guy owns, replace it with a loving wife, a person who nobody actually owns and never really could. She chose him too, and loves him back. This is the woman he prizes above every physical object, whom he wants to grow old with. Nobody owns her, but he likes to feel like they willingly “own each other” in a way.

Just like that Lamborgini owner, he loves showing off his most amazing “prize.” Hearing someone praise her or get turned on by her would be scary if he didn’t truly trust that she loved him back. But he believes that they’re really meant for each other. Unlike a car, she loves him back—which really puts things over the edge for him. Like, a total wash of emotions!

Obviously, every metaphor has limits. This one? Be careful not to reduce a woman to a possession or an object. The lesson isn’t about her as some sort of possessed object. Please. The lesson is about the husband’s feelings. She can’t be possessed, but he still feels possessive. She can’t be owned, but he can get a satisfied feeling that resembles it enough to make it feel good.

It’s about all the trust and pride that goes with it.

This explains a little bit how so many husbands don’t feel jealous, but still feet super possessive of their relationships with their wife. People who jump right to jealousy without ever once trying to understand what jealousy means are missing something. And they’re not going to understand compersion, for sure!

Don’t mistake a lack of jealousy for the absence of care, love, and deep attachment. You can be very sharing and also very careful about your relationship.

Knowing that your wife turns on other guys can be incredibly arousing! But knowing she’s yours for life is priceless!

How did your first hotwife experience feel? How did your hubby react? :)

northernutahhotwife:

There were so many “feelings” to keep track of! Emotionally, I was excited, scared, nervous, horny, giddy…

I was excited as this was something new that not every wife gets to experience. The guy was super sexy (still is actually), so I was excited to touch and be touched by him.

I was scared since this was so far out of what is socially acceptable and I wasn’t sure how it would affect my marriage. My husband seemed excited, but would it negatively affect the way he looked at me?

So nervous if I would do it “right”. I had only been with an ex-husband and my current husband. I was t sure what to expect with a new guy. No other man had touched me in this way in almost 15 years!

By the time we were on the way the guy’s place, I was SOOO horny! We were committed and my pussy was ready. My husband said he had never felt me so wet!

I was so giddy I couldn’t stop smiling the whole drive over. My husband’s reactions to my excitement made me so happy! My smile quickly changed to moans of pleasure once the guy got to work.

The physical feeling is hard to describe. Having a stranger’s hands and mouth touch me in such an intimate way was electrifying! And once his hard cock was between my legs, I had lost all inhibitions. He was lying on his back on the couch and I was straddling him cowgirl, with my tongue down his throat. I was completely unaware of my husband’s presence. I was sliding my super wet pussy along his shaft, no penatration yet. Then without thinking about it, my hips came up just a bit, and his cock slide in so easily! The sensation of having a new cock slide inside of me after 15 years of only enjoying my husband’s was overwhelming! I came almost immediately! My first playmate spent the next hour fucking me in multiple positions.

My husband reacted just as he expected to! He was so turned on to watch me enjoy a new cock. That’s all we talked about for the next couple weeks. He was a little disappointed with the way I became unaware of his presence for a bit. But he understood it was mostly out of my control. I did make an effort at future play dates to keep some focus on him.

How was that for a long winded answer?!

Poll: How important is Hotwifing to your sex life?

Of 187 hotwifing couples who responded to an informal internet pill, the majority said this kink plays a role, but it isn’t a central part of their sex life.

Looking from the vantage point of a mostly monogamous couple, the extremes on the top and bottom sound sad. Those men who can’t get aroused without another man (3%) might want to look for a solution or alternative, unless their wives are okay living like that. The 11% of men and women who have a husband or wife that won’t even join in fantasy play—well, that’s pretty damned lonely for them too. The fact that they are taking this poll on a hotwifing discussion forum is enough to show you that they’re not getting rid of the interest.

That middle 37% and the fantasizing 15% are both pretty much in the sweet spot for this blog, as well as that 22% of couples that get really into it. Together, that’s 74%, a good solid block.

Lessons?

  • Well, first off, you can do or avoid hotwifing with whatever frequency you decide. Once a year or every week—it’s totally up to you as a couple. #reassurance
  • Second of all, a small minority of couples gets way deeper than I’d be comfortable with, and it sounds more like a polyamorous situation, or an obsessive guy that might need to get help. #boundaries
  • And thirdly, it’s sad when you’re one of those men or women who get so rejected that your partner won’t listen or play along to even the slightest degree of fantasy. I wonder if they’re set up for success as a couple. Total lack of #respect

The poll and discussion can be found below.

How important is Hotwifing to your sex life? – Our Hotwives

Yeah, this seems wrong. Right? Sometimes playing around with the idea that you cheated on him (you didn’t, obviously!!!) makes it extra exciting for him. We’re totally against cheating, but you can play around with the taboo in fantasy talk if that gets you guys going!

It depends on the guy, so make sure you communicate about it ahead of time.

Hotwifing vs. Open Relationships

Here are a few selections from the article:

To be perfectly honest, I don’t have the energy or patience to love one more human being in my life, if I don’t have to…

The overall idea is not letting monogamy limit you from being fulfilled by other relationships and what they can offer you…

If she’s got spare time to connect with a man, it’s going to be with her husband, hands down…

As for me, I am very monogamous in that respect. I feel happy and fulfilled by one partner. If we ever decided to be completely monogamous, I don’t think I’d mind. For now though, I love being a shared wife and intend to take full advantage of it.

Read the whole thing! Click below.

Hotwifing vs. Open Relationships – A Shared Wife, Hotwife Blog, Erotic Stories