So So much …. Still the quickest way to make me cum !!!!!
Dont believe me ladies ?… try talking dirty with your man, tell him how much you want to get fucked, or enjoyed getting fucked by someone else, talk about being used by BIG cocks…..you will see very quickly if this is his true fantasy !!!!!
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Cum and Check out other Wife Sharing / Slutwife / MFM / 3some pics and Stories on our tumblr Blog
I have a feeling a lot of you are going to want to share this one. If someone shares this with you, that’s because it means something to them, so please do the courtesy of reading the whole thing!
First off, I want to acknowledge that wives often have various and complex reasons for reacting negatively to husbands who bring up hotwifing. That’s a valid topic for another time. This also isn’t for households with an abusive spouse who wants to force his perversions or sick desires in whatever way they enter his mind–those men are the scum of the earth. No, this is for you loving couples, where you try your best to do things right, and keep trying even when you don’t succeed the first time.
Today, I want to talk to the wife who hears her husband share his kink with her, and doesn’t stop to dig further. She doesn’t ask, “How difficult was it for you to tell me this? How much have you thought about this? How much does this mean to you?” I’m talking to the wife who jumps to conclusions and insecurities, or shuts him down without validating his opinion. Can I talk to you for a minute?
Dear wife, I imagine you love your husband a lot, and he probably loves you a lot too. In fact, he’s opening up to you because he loves you. He wants you to be a part of his life in every way, no matter how unusual society may say it is. And society may be the reason you shut him down. Have you been told all your life that it’s wrong to have sex with another man after you get married, and that it’s cheating on your husband if you do? Have you been told that this will kill your loving relationship? Chances are, this is where you’re coming from. These feelings make it seem impossible to imagine what your husband is really thinking.
In fact, I bet these values are more deeply ingrained in you than you imagine, especially if you haven’t sat and done introspection on why you think the way you think. So when your husband comes around and tells you he’s interested in this, it breaks all kinds of norms. You think, “Cheating!” And you think, “Wrong!” And you get disturbed, because he’s asking you to do that one thing you’ve always been told a wife should never do. This is where your imagination and insecurity gets fired up–if he wants you to do the worst thing of all, then, “My God, what else is he going to suggest?” You might not think it so much as just feel it deeply within. It feels wrong–so wrong.
On behalf of your husband, let me ask you to just stop for a moment and hear his side of the equation so you can communicate on equal ground. First, he probably has some idea of how weird this is to you, and it was even hard for him to admit it to himself at first. He’s battling with his own inherited values, which in this case run counter to his sexual desires and needs; he also fears your reaction. He doesn’t want to hurt you or scare you.
Second, his definition of cheating isn’t what you think it is. You both agree that cheating is a betrayal, a theft of love and intimacy from the one who rightfully owns it. Where he’s different from you is that–for whatever reason–he feels connected to you sexually when he imagines you being promiscuous, full of desire, and feeling flirtatious lust. Your promiscuity isn’t cheating, since he connects to you in that fantasy or act. It doesn’t mean he wants to be promiscuous himself, because if it would be a betrayal of you and your desires, then he sees it as betrayal too; he isn’t interested in betraying you. He isn’t interested in you betraying him either–he is interested in connecting with you by means of observation, fantasy, and wanton lust unchained.
I hope that’s clear in your mind, because it’s crucial to understanding him. He’s not asking you to cheat when he talks to you about sexual engagement (or fantasy) with other guys.
This brings us to the provocative title of this post. “Cheating,” sexually speaking, is betraying your spouse for others. It’s disregarding their needs and desires, and giving that part of yourself to others. Here’s the point: if social pressure or fear of others (parents, priests, friends) are the reasons you’re not willing to hear your husband out when he tells the thing that is most intimate to his sexual nature, he’s not the main person in your sex life.
You’ve invited a whole society into bed with you, and you’re neglecting him for everyone else that’s intruding into your sex life. He feels cheated, because you won’t even talk, read, or think about what’s on his mind.
Is that cheating? I’ll leave it to you and him be the judge of that.
However, I hope you’ll take the time to see how you might actually have things backwards when it comes to the idea of being faithful to the one you married. Not the idea of a husband you got from society and invented over time in your mind–the actual flesh-and-blood man you pledged to be with.
I’ll be saying more along these lines in the future, but I wanted to get this out TODAY so you could start thinking about it (and wives, please don’t be offended if your husband forwarded this to you–remember, more than anything sexual, he longs to be loved, trusted, and understood; please give him that at the very least).
Damn. This is deep.
Why Married Couples Are Into Cuckolding (excerpts)
(Note: this article is more about hotwifing than cuckolding as it’s usually defined in the lifestyle sense)
“…many of these couples had quite extraordinary levels of commitment, showed deep mutual respect, and communicated skillfully. A significant number also reported very high levels of marital satisfaction and sexual satisfaction after decades of being together, a rather unusual state of affairs.”
“This fascinating subset of swinging and kink is the second most commonly searched term by heterosexual porn users on English-language search engines, and researcher Justin Lehmiller found in a survey of 4,000 men that 58% of them had fantasies about sharing their partner with other men…”
“What strikes Ley most, he told me, is the incredible resourcefulness and creativity of the arrangements he witnessed. ‘It’s like these guys understand the very real sexual power of the women they’re partnered with,’ he marveled.”
Everyone already knows what jealousy is, some of us more intimately than others, but compersion is “a state of empathetic happiness and joy experienced when an individual’s current or former romantic partner experiences happiness and joy through an outside source, including, but not limited to, another romantic interest.” (taken from Wikipedia)
Other than the “that doesn’t work” knee-jerk reaction to polyamory or open relationships, the other excuse that gets automatically thrown out is “I could never do that. I’m far too jealous.”
Discussion over.
Jealousy is most definitely a strong deterrent to even entertaining thoughts of an open relationship. Believe me, if you had told me 10 years ago that I would be in a polyamorous marriage with my husband, I would’ve told you that you were certifiably insane. After all, I’m a triple Scorpio: highly possessive and intensely jealous by nature. Throw in some serious self-esteem issues and an crippling fear of abandonment and I was the last person anyone (including me) thought would end up in an open relationship. But here I am! Happily polyamorous and talking about it publicly, no less.
Do I still get jealous? You better fucking believe it.
Is it as crippling as it used to be? Not usually.
The root of jealousy is fear. Fear of abandonment. Fear that your loved one will find someone better, smarter, sexier, more awesome, more whatever. The problem with those fears is that they are all inside the jealous person. No amount of reassurance from your beloved on its own will quell those fears. You must take responsibility for your own fears and express them to your SO without making them solely responsible for those fears. Your partner in life, spouse or otherwise significant other, does have a responsibility for your heart as you do theirs, but ultimately that responsibility lies within yourself. They can support and reassure and earn your trust, but they can’t quell those fears on their own. It’s a team effort.
The death of jealousy begins in honesty and trust.
Once that trust is in place. Once you are able to say anything to your partner and they to you. Once you talk openly, honestly, and frequently, that jealousy begins to die. The love deepens past that you could’ve ever imagined, loving your partner so completely if for no other reason that they love you so completely for who you are.
It’s not an easy place to get to. It’s not luck. It’s not luxury. It’s months and years of work, sometimes tears, and intense vulnerability. It’s believing in yourself and in your partner. It’s believing in you as a couple. It’s knowing without a shadow of a doubt that the two of you will get through anything because you are a team. You’ve done the work. You’ve established a firm foundation of trust and honesty, and nothing will break that apart, certainly not sex with someone new. Sex is wonderful, but sex is sometimes just sex. Although sometimes it is sex and love, which can feel a bit more threatening, but it’s really not because once you get to that point with your primary partner, you also deeply realize that love is not finite.
Love breeds love.
Desire breeds desire.
And you will find yourself loving your partner even more, even when you thought that wouldn’t be possible, because they love you for who you really are, not who they think you are…not who they want you to be, but for YOU. And you love them the exact same way. From this place of deep love and trust, a sexual encounter or even a satellite relationship takes on a whole new meaning. It is more love for your beloved! It is allowing them to feel desired and be pleased by another person…because they deserve as much love and desire and fulfillment that they can handle.
Because you love them that deeply.
And that’s compersion.
You are happy that they are happy. You are thrilled that they had a new experience, felt the rush of desire in a first kiss all over again, enjoyed being touched only the way a new lover can touch…etc. Then they can come home and tell you about it, or not, and love you even more for allowing them both freedom and security. And you get the same from them. It’s really rather beautiful.
Compersion trumps jealousy every time because love always trumps fear, if you can find the courage to let it.
This is a great question, and I’m sure one that a lot of Hotwives can relate to (whether they want to admit it or not). I see this question as a good example of how the “fantasy” is sometimes greater than the “reality” when it comes to certain things. In “fantasy land”, what woman wouldn’t want to be seduced and have sex with an attractive man who has a killer body and is good in bed with zero guilt? It seems simple, right? Unfortunately, it’s not always that simple, because there is this little thing called “the brain” that gets in the way, especially for women.
Women have sexual fantasies…of course we do! We fantasize about sexy men with cut bodies and a penchant for romantic conversation. We fantasize about those “bad boy” rocker types who we imagine would just take us “backstage” and give us the sexual time of our lives. We fantasize about things we’ve seen, sexy situations, and even passed lovers. The thing about “fantasies” is that our brains choose only the good parts of things and leave out all of the niggling little realities, like anxiety, worry, fear, being uncomfortable, etc.
In our fantasies we aren’t thinking about things like “geez, this guy kisses weird”, “why does he make those noises”, “the sound of his voice when he says my name makes me feel weird”. What’s more, for many of us who are so completely into our husbands or partners, we tend to be unable to stop drawing comparisons throughout an encounter – both comparisons that favor our partners and ones that might not favor them (and then we feel guilty for it later).
All of this “thinking” that we do while we’re on a date is what I like to call an “orgasm killer”. If my brain is working too much and I’m not focused on the pleasure or the person that I’m with, it’s just not going to happen, no matter how sexy he is, how good that he is in bed, how well he uses his tongue or how nice his cock is. If a thought comes through my head like “wow, John knows just the right way to touch me, I wish D touched me that way”…instant guilt and the orgasm meter goes from moderate to zero. Conversely, if a thought comes through my head like “I miss the way that D smells, John doesn’t smell like D”…instant longing for “my man” and the orgasm meter goes to zero again.
Half the time these “thoughts” are so fast and powerful that we don’t even realize they’re coming until we’re buried, sort of like an avalanche. If there was a way to hit “pause” on the brain and just focus on the body, I’m sure things would work a whole lot better. Some women have found this pause button, and bless them for it! I…have not. Men, it seems, are much better able to do this than women, as well. D likes to say that he’s just able to separate “sex and emotion” and I’m not. One of the reasons why if I’m going to get any pleasure at all from an encounter, it has to be with a guy who I have some romantic chemistry with – someone who can override those thoughts in my head a little bit.
I’m going to be candid here… No, I don’t always have orgasms on dates. Sometimes I’m so far for having an orgasm it’s like the orgasm is in London and I’m standing on the beach in San Diego. I know it’s not going to happen…usually, I fake it in those situations, because who wants to make a guy who’s trying hard to please you feel bad? I guess I’m just a pleaser at heart. I have had orgasms before, and that’s been with the guys who take their time and really romance/seduce me before hand.
I can absolutely related to you feeling like you need to lie to your husband about having orgasms on your dates. D tells me he doesn’t want me to lie, but I know damn well that he gets a hell of a lot more out of things and is WAY more turned on if I DO have an orgasm on a date, so, what’s a girl to do? Have I lied to D about having orgasms with my dates? Yes (sorry, baby, but it’s true). It takes so much for me to get myself out, prepared and follow through with a date, and I’m doing it to turn D on and get him to that place where he gives me all the things that a partner who is absolutely ready to chew his leg off to be with you gives you that it’s a major let down for both of us if I’m just not able to get there. Not to mention the feeling that I’m somehow “broken”, because it seems like all these other Hotwives are able to have ten orgasms per date and I’m sometimes not able to have one. So, yeah…you’re not alone in feeling the need to bend the truth a little bit in this area.
Do I like the sex or wish I was with D? Well, honestly, every time I go out I would rather be with D, that’s just the truth. He’s the man I chose, the one I love, the one who I feel the best and most confident with, etc. I would choose having sex with him ten times over having sex with someone else. This is also where men and women are different – you may have noticed one of my earlier articles where most men admit that at some point if given the opportunity and consent they would like to have sex with someone else. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t feel this way. If I got to a point that I would rather have sex with someone else rather than D, I would probably think that was a sign to myself that maybe the relationship was in trouble.
Do I enjoy the sex on my dates? Sure. I enjoy the entire experience on some levels. Unless the guy is a total jerk it’s nice to get that extra attention and be with someone who is really turned on by you, trying to please you, barely lets you close the door before he has his arms around you and is kissing you, going above and beyond, etc. This is something that tends to get lost a little bit in a long term relationship and it’s there in something new and fresh, so that’s definitely enticing.
My advice is this: You have to try as best you can to quiet your brain (alcohol helps a little bit) and just be in the moment on a date. You have to kind of “put away” your husband and your relationship and just pretend that you’re a girl standing in front of a boy who is really hot and really wants to be with you. Forget about all the “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” and just focus on what you’re doing. It’s easier said than done, but it can happen given the right preparation and mental control. Also, don’t feel bad about lying to your husband about your orgasms, but remember, if you come home from every date and tell him “Baby, I came SO HARD” he’s probably going to want you to have more and more dates…if you’re good with that, then by all means do it, but otherwise, use a mid-level approach. Tell him about the good parts of the date, the things that did turn you on, how sexy the guy was, how nice it was when he touched you, and then when it comes to the orgasm topic, just sort of gloss over it as best you can. 🙂 I don’t advocate lying, but in this circumstance, it’s sometimes hard not to.
– S
Baby Steps
The things she writes about are great, but two little things that you can keep in mind:
Some of these steps might be out of your comfort zone. If so, you can just think about what you could be okay with and do that instead.
You might not want to “go” anywhere with it. Maybe you’re going to keep it in the fantasy world. Join the club! There are myriads of couples just messing around with this stuff, with no serious plans to move beyond fantasy.
Enjoy what you enjoy, and use articles like this just to get your brain going!
Here’s a good post from a great blogger, Emma, who writes some great reflections on common misconceptions that men and women who are curious might have on the topic of hotwifing.
Myth 1: All Hotwives are nymphomaniacs
I guess the rationale behind this one is that if a woman needs more than her husband’s penis then she must be highly sexed. I’ll agree that a lot of fellow Hotwives do have a higher than average sex drive but that’s not always the reason they choose the lifestyle. I think only a small percentage of women became a Hotwife because their husband couldn’t cope with the demand. As I put it in my last blog post, Hotwives may be insatiable, but not necessarily just for sex. We have a hunger for the variety other men bring into our sex life.
Myth 2: The Hotwife’s husband must be a dud
Hotwives generally don’t get into the lifestyle because their husbands are awful in bed. If anything, it’s a man who is confident in his bedroom skills that can invite another man or two to share his precious wife. He knows the pleasure is in different lovers, not better lovers. He also knows that he only has one penis and there is immense delight in having more than one cock to appreciate at the same time. A Hotwife’s husband is therefore pretty darn awesome in bed if you ask me. He understands her needs.
Myth 3: A Woman needs Hotwife ‘Training’
What?? You’re either a Hotwife or you’re not right? I think the idea that a woman can be converted into a Hotwife is somewhat demeaning. I’m a shared wife out of my own volition. I don’t need to be coaxed into having sex with other men. I guess if the ‘training’ is meant to be an extrapolation of the dominant/submissive relationship, then by all means go for it. I personally don’t view what I do as putting myself in an inferior or subservient position to my husband, nor a superior one. We both equally enjoy me being a Hotwife.
Myth 4: A Hotwife must be in a bad marriage
Far from it. If a woman is in an unhappy marriage and agrees to sleep with other men, then I think it’s a last ditch effort to put some spark back into the union, or it’s already at death’s door. At any rate, it won’t last. Introducing other people into a couple’s sex life requires honesty, trust and the ability to communicate. If they don’t exist in a marriage then the couple has no business doing anything other than improving their primary relationship. It’s only when you have a solid base that swinging or Hotwifing can be enjoyed for the uncomplicated fun they are.
Myth 5: There must be something ‘wrong’ with a Hotwife
Maybe it sounds too good to be true for some men? Why would a happily married woman seek sex outside of the marriage? Is she a freak? Is she bored? Is she walking the road to self-destruction? The best thing to do is assume nothing about a Hotwife who invites you to fuck her. Take the offer at face value. There are no strings attached and if you decide to stop seeing her, then you don’t need to grow eyes on the back of your head for fear that she will axe you. Trust me, she’s moved on to the next able body. Hotwives are completely regular women who do regular things. In bed, she just wants a little extra on the side. No need to think beyond that.
Hotwife Facts and Fantasies 