oursexyexploration:

Thank you for your kind words about our blog.  I do try my best to present both sides of things as I have seen them personally throughout my own journey as a Hotwife.  I think anyone going into something this serious should know all that is good and all that is not so good – the potentials for excitement and erotic connection as well as the potentials for issues and problems.  

To answer the first part of your question, D and I have a pretty traditional “Hotwife Relationship”.  He is not a Cuckold, our relationship is not “female led”, this is more his fantasy than it is my own, etc.  The way I choose to participate in the Hotwife lifestyle, or rather to make it work for me is what you touched upon with the idea of the “romantic Hotwife”, a term that I came up with for myself, but have found that many Hotwives also share an affinity for.  

Traditionally, I would say that the majority of Hotwife relationships employ what is known as a “Bull”, an experienced male who understands the situation and lifestyle, knows his role and is there to give the woman the best “sex” that he can give to her and then bow out of the door gracefully until he is called upon again…or not.  That’s typically where it stops.  Women who prefer this type of situation will typically meet a bull once or twice, will meet them specifically for sex without something like dinner and conversation, and they are there for the physical almost 100%.     

Where the “Romantic Hotwife” differs is that she typically requires that “romance” or “chemistry” with her lover – something that relates them on a level beyond sex.  For instance, I can’t get turned on enough to even have sex unless I feel as though the person who I am sleeping with cares about me on some level beyond the physical.  That means someone who is willing to take the time to have some good conversation, learn a little bit about me, doesn’t lead with the sexual (like, no introduction messages with dick pics and “I want to fuck you so hard”) – the opposite of that just doesn’t turn me on AT ALL.  So, in my case, I need a guy who is willing to put in the time to be kind to me, show me that he’s interested in more than just using me as a sex toy, is willing and wants to romance and seduce me a little bit, etc.  This also leads to more “long term” lovers instead of a lot of shorter term hook-ups.  Once I feel comfortable with one guy, I would rather stick to that than go looking for something else. 

A little background on me – before I got married the first time I had only had 4 boyfriends in my life.  Even with D, before becoming a Hotwife, I had only slept with I believe 4 men.  I was always the girl who was taught to “wait” until she knew that a guy cared about her before having sex, and I guess that just shaped who I am and it’s something that I’m comfortable with.  I’ve never had a one night stand, never gotten drunk at a party and slept with a guy, and I guess you could say I’m pretty conservative in that regard, so when the Hotwife idea came up, I had to figure out a way I could still feel good about holding on to some of my own feelings and notions while still making it work for D – thus the “romantic Hotwife”. 

Some Hotwife couples prefer the “Bull” encounters, because they do tend to be less dangerous to the relationship – no intimacy is built in most cases, it’s just sex and everyone knows their part in that.  While D is fully aware of all of my boyfriends, sees all of our conversations, and in many cases speaks with them, he understands that I can’t get things “working down there” without some aspect of romance, care or seduction.  Neither way is right or wrong, they are just different and mostly depend upon the woman’s preference and what she is comfortable with.  

It also depends on the husband, as well…  D actually enjoys this arrangement because there IS a little more danger and jealousy in it.  I’m not just reporting back to him about an hour of sex as soon as a guy walked in the door, I’m telling him about an actual date that was romantic and nice.  Some husbands, though, prefer for their wives to not keep contact with the same man for too long – understandably – and in those cases, it’s really a negotiation between husband and wife about what the wife is able to “handle” and what the husband is able to “handle” and they usually meet somewhere in the middle.  

When I find a lover, I typically see them for one to two months, sometimes more.  Within that time, there can be meetings once or twice a week to only meeting once or twice a month – it all depends on our schedules and how things work out.  With my current lover, we see each other, on average, ever couple of weeks.  A date typically consists of dinner, maybe a trip to the local hot springs (did that last week), or just coming over to listen to music and have some good conversation before jumping into bed.  He’s been really great about that and he enjoys that himself – he’s also not one to get as much out of things without some kind of emotional investment.  

When I choose to cut things off is always different, but the thing that remains the same is that it’s pretty evident when it has to happen.  Either the person is developing feelings, is becoming more demanding of my time, in one instance, D started to not like the guy and so I broke it off, etc.  It’s never an easy thing to do, especially when you have come to know someone a little bit. I’ve never developed feelings for a lover beyond the “situation” or caring for them as a friend, but I have had lovers develop feelings for me, and it is a difficult situation.  I would say that in most cases a couple of months seeing someone once a week or once every couple of weeks is probably a good number to stick with in terms of overall length of relationship, though some can last much longer if everyone understands the situation and is comfortable with it.  

In all of the talking I have done with other Hotwives, I would say that slightly more than half of them prefer things the “romantic” way.  That’s because women are typically turned on first in their brains and second in their bodies.  A lot of women tend to feel more “used” or “degraded” when they just meet a stranger for a random hook-up and then move on to another stranger.  I have had a TON of messages by women asking how I manage to do this without feeling “used” or how I get turned on by other men when really the person I’m most turned on by is my partner – the answer is more intimacy in a lover.  Some women, though, enjoy a fully sexual situation where they find a guy who is well built and well hung and they can just meet up for that raw sexual contact.  It all depends on the couple, and especially on the woman.  

Hope that helped to clear some things up for you….

– S    

Creating a #romantic hotwife tag in response to this great explanation!