We’re sharing an excellent overview article by Brenna at Front Porch Swingers. Here, she details how friendships, professional relationships, and sexual satisfaction (of course) have been positively impacted by opening up her marriage.
Her big takeaways from her own experiences fall under three big headers;
Lifestyle Ladies Tend to Treat Other Females Differently—Women in free and open lifestyle relationships are very often kinder, more complimentary and supportive of other women.
Lifestyle LadiesTell Others What They Want—Women who play around with others gain confidence in the bedroom, which leads to confidence in the workplace and everywhere else!
Lifestyle LadiesCan Speak Honestly with Others About Sex—Women who are free to openly share ideas with their female friends have a leg up on gaining satisfaction and confidence.
Between the main headers you’ll find some great thoughts and experiences that might make you smile. And it’s a short read—it’s worth your time!
Self Magazine recently published an overview of factors that weigh into whether a couple might benefit from an open relationship (and three factors that would make it a bad idea).
It’s a very level-headed discussion. Hopefully it’s a good indication of how society is opening up to common sense in a very important area. So many problems can be avoided if we’re honest with ourselves about who we are as individuals!
This might sound like a ridiculous question to some people, but the truth is, many (or most) of us have been socially conditioned (brainwashed?) to fear our sexual potential. We’re always on the lookout for tips and hints for the woman or man who needs to learn some aspects of responsible sexual liberation.
In this 3-part video series, Tatiana Dellepiane offers insights into “S.L.U.T. Training.” No, this isn’t the stuff you see on captions and hardcore porn, but it is about getting your confidence and energy in line with the life you want to live. Maybe it’s not for everyone, but it’s worth checking out if you think it might even be a little intereting!
Since the transition from Tumblr, the blog has been rather inactive. In the meantime, plenty of great new resources and discussion outlets have sprung up.
One of these is a one-year old subreddit, r/cuckoldpsychology. It already has over 13,000 members. Awesome!
Unlike most hotwife/cuckold sites, the discussion stays on the kinds of things people will want to know about as they explore changing their established relationship. In other words, it’s not a lot of captions and erotica. Below is a little sample of a recent post.
In this essay, a husband shares his six-month struggle to process his wife’s request for an open marriage, and how two years down the road it’s been beneficial for their communication, love, and affection.
Here are some amazing excerpts from the essay:
For my wife, the choice between honoring our vows and fulfilling her desires was a false choice, another trap. She knew how deep our love was, and knew that her wanting a variety of sexual experiences as we traveled through life together would not diminish or disrupt that love. It took me about six months — many long, intense conversations, and an ocean of red wine — before I knew it, too.
When my wife told me she wanted to open our marriage and take other lovers, she wasn’t rejecting me, she was embracing herself.
That was two years ago, and today we’ve never been happier, more in tune, closer, tighter, stronger. Whatever power I surrendered, I don’t miss. I wouldn’t recommend it for everyone, but I tell everyone it works for us.
It feels very adult, especially because it depends on open, honest communication. We take great pride in all the talking we do. I meet a lot of people who say they’ll never get married because they don’t want to get divorced, and hearing it always makes me sad, because they are cutting themselves off from the possibility of the magic that happens when two people share their lives. People don’t divorce because they can’t stand sharing anymore; they divorce because they feel like they can’t share enough.
This has been the great challenge of my open marriage: to draw strength from vulnerability. Doing so requires supreme self-confidence. You must first really, truly love yourself; it is the foundation upon which all the other love is built.
From everywhere comes the message that what I’m doing is for weaklings, losers, failures, pussies; that if I had money and status, I could keep my wife “in line”; that her self-discovery comes at the expense of my self-esteem. My open marriage has made heavy demands on my ability to silence the voice of doubt in my head, that gnawing feeling of worthlessness. But I find I can meet those demands, and that I am able to build my self-confidence out of nothing more than the basic dignity we all possess.
I’m grateful to my wife for pushing us to take this leap.
Have you seen this caption on people’s Facebook or Tumblr pages?
You know, usually on the page of your friend or relative who married a cheating douchebag, who then abandoned her when he was confronted? Yes, we can all agree that sucks. Nobody in their right mind would advocate for Mr. Cheato Jerkwad.
Yeah, this fills a need for them. It helps them imagine the love and security they never got from their partner. I’ll never ridicule them or argue on their timeline about it. They’ve already been through plenty.
What they’re trying to express with this caption is a deep-seated need we all have. They’re asking, “Will you be loyal to me? Or do I have to be afraid of losing you, too?”
We’re explicitly, totally against cheating. And we feel sorry for anyone who’s been betrayed.
Unfortunately, this caption also creates extremely unrealistic expectations. (Exactly as dumb and unrealistic as a lot of the ridiculous hotwifing captions you thumb through on here.)
If this is the measure of true love, you might as well hire an animator to paint you into a Disney movie, because this is a fantasy that doesn’t take into account biology, psychology, or the kind of development that occurs in the healthiest relationships.
Besides that, the whole thing is so vague. Who is “a psychology professor?” Is it a man or a woman? Are they American, Czech, Thai, or Hatian? Do they work at a big college, a community college, or a basement correspondence school? Did they say this in class, or while giving a toast at a wedding, or after watching a romantic comedy with friends?
It sounds more like somebody said something they really felt should be true, then looked for a way to give it some authority. “Oh, you know who people think are smart about these things? Psychology professors!” So they invented the fact that a psychology professor said this thing that they want to be true. It makes it feel more true.
But the statement itself is so absolute and one-sided. All people are absolutely monogamous demisexuals? Widows who still love their deceasing husband will never be able to get attracted to a living guy? Swingers who stay married for 60 years weren’t in love? You mean polyamorous people don’t exist? That’s pretty extreme.
Let’s get it straight: this isn’t a psychology fact at all. It’s…
a nice sentiment, like unicorns and Care Bears
a way for betrayed people to imagine what a better person would be like
guaranteed clickbait
widely believed, especially in conservative contexts (some churches teach things like this)
detrimental to people in real relationships
an extremist position
not something you’ll find agreeable to many real-world therapists and psychology professors
great for cartoons and Hallmark movies, but not for real life
So in conclusion, this meme applies in a way to cheaters and those they abandon. It’s completely irrelevant for most of us. And exploring our fantasies together in a loving, full-communication, functional marriage can go a long way to preventing people from even being tempted to cheat.
So ladies, keep checking out men’s butts, and be sure to tell your husband about it 😈. Guys, don’t start to develop needless anxiety because you read something like this caption.You’re both fine. Don’t let shit like this mess with your head. It doesn’t apply to us!
A Wife’s Guide for Bringing up Hotwifing
Emma writes that most people who raise the prospect of hotwifing are husbands. That’s probably true for now, for two reasons:
Wives are only just beginning to hear about it, so the exposure hasn ’t been there for wives to consider it for very long, and
Wives with the fantasy are more reluctant to bring it up for fear of triggering their husband’s jealousy, sounding slutty, or worse.
Regardless of why, the truth is that I hear about more and more wives who have this interest. They’re good wives who love their husbands, and they can’t imagine how to raise their fantasies with their husbands without hurting their feelings or angering them.
That’s where Emma’s article is so valuable. She explains why this topic can be so sensitive for husbands who haven’t previously considered it, and explains some ways for making sure he’s ready to listen. This is kind of a big bombshell to drop on men who have only ever heard of (a) monogamy or (b) cheating. He’s going to assume the worst if he can’t take a deep breath and hear about all the different options in between these two familiar words.
The basic needs he has are the same as yours: respect, confidence, boundaries, and a general sense of stability and security. If his needs for love and security are met, he’ll be more interested in listening.
You can also send him to sites like this one and others. Learning about compersion can be really important, and seeing just how aroused other husbands get by their wives “naughty behavior” can help them see different ways of looking at their wife’s sexuality. Ideally, he won’t just consent—hopefully he can get to where it turns him on like crazy. Like in all our dirty captions! 😈
As time goes on and more women get in touch with this fantasy, we’re going to need a lot more articles like this one!
This is one of the several reasons why so many husbands get turned on by this kink. He loves feeling possessive, and sharing only highlights that.
Husbands with this kink have a totally inaccurate reputation for not being possessive. For a lot of men, it’s a high-level possessiveness without jealousy. It’s almost like saying, “She’s mine, not yours—even if she lets you touch her, she’s coming right back to me.”
“I have something (actually some one) you’d love to experience. Will you get to touch her? Hmmm, that all depends on a lot of things…but I get to kiss her whenever. Because I’m a badass who’s married to this hottie.”
Hotwifing emphasizes:
The permanent, solid, immense value of the wife to the husband, that he’s incredibly infatuated and confident of his bond with her.
Her absolute desirability, that other men would want her like that, and that her desirability is a part of her, and that suppressing this desirability would be criminal.
The contingent, conditional, temporary value of other men outside the marriage—they have no innate relationship to her, only what she and her husband allow.
The wife’s conviction that her husband really finds her this desirable, and that she’s so confident about his commitment to her, and the realization that her relationship to any other man only emphasizes the permanent depth of their marriage commitment.
A crude, but effective, illustration I’ve heard elsewhere is that a man who values his wife like this can be compared to a guy who has a prized Lamborgini sports car.
This thing is a valuable, amazing possession. He’s going to be very possessive—don’t try to steal it! If you’re a decent and trustworthy person, sure, he’ll let you run your hand along the surface and sit in the seat. If you’re a really worthwhile person, he might let you go slowly down the driveway. If you’re really a special person who knows what they’re doing, he might sit in the passenger’s seat while you drive. But he’s going to be watching the whole time, and making sure you treat this prized possession better than they treat anything else.
And he has the satisfaction of knowing this car is his all day, every day. Letting you drive it and say “oooh, ahhh, amazing car” only reminds him that he’s the lucky owner.
Letting “her” go around the track once or twice with another driver only makes him more eager to get back in the driver’s seat of the car he loves.
Now, instead of a car a guy owns, replace it with a loving wife, a person who nobody actually owns and never really could. She chose him too, and loves him back. This is the woman he prizes above every physical object, whom he wants to grow old with. Nobody owns her, but he likes to feel like they willingly “own each other” in a way.
Just like that Lamborgini owner, he loves showing off his most amazing “prize.” Hearing someone praise her or get turned on by her would be scary if he didn’t truly trust that she loved him back. But he believes that they’re really meant for each other. Unlike a car, she loves him back—which really puts things over the edge for him. Like, a total wash of emotions!
Obviously, every metaphor has limits. This one? Be careful not to reduce a woman to a possession or an object. The lesson isn’t about her as some sort of possessed object. Please. The lesson is about the husband’s feelings. She can’t be possessed, but he still feels possessive. She can’t be owned, but he can get a satisfied feeling that resembles it enough to make it feel good.
It’s about all the trust and pride that goes with it.
This explains a little bit how so many husbands don’t feel jealous, but still feet super possessive of their relationships with their wife. People who jump right to jealousy without ever once trying to understand what jealousy means are missing something. And they’re not going to understand compersion, for sure!
Don’t mistake a lack of jealousy for the absence of care, love, and deep attachment. You can be very sharing and also very careful about your relationship.
Knowing that your wife turns on other guys can be incredibly arousing! But knowing she’s yours for life is priceless!
Negative aspect of this caption, disclaimer style: women should feel confident and self-assured no matter what they do, what weight they are, or what they’re like sexually speaking. Same goes for guys too in different ways, but it’s more obvious how much women get torn down. Society sets up some crazy expectations. If a woman can’t be convinced she’s desirable or important without one or two specific activities (like sex), then she should probably investigate why she’s feeling that way. It could be a really deep issue. And sex isn’t going to be the answer, no matter what kind of sex we’re talking about. Sex isn’t a long-term cure-all.
Positive aspect of this caption: it’s true that women who sleep with other men often report an immediate surge in confidence and arousal. A lot of it seems to be biological, so it’s true of hotwifing, swinging, dating after divorce, or outright cheating. But in hotwifing couples, wives have an extra edge, compersion. Hotwives know their husbands are getting aroused by her arousal, besides the excitement of the variety with a new gentleman. It’s a massive cycle of arousal and confidence. This caption isn’t true for all people in every place and time, but it’s a huge part of couples’ success stories of modern hotwifing couples. Wives feel rejuvenated and transformed into a more vibrant way of thinking—often something she may have felt more of in youth, but now tempered with the wisdom of a more experienced wife and mother.
So with the caveat above in mind, it’s true: wives who date frequently say they’ve become more confident and satisfied.
Hotwife Facts and Fantasies 