Tag: relationships

From a reader (wife) who wants to stay anonymous:

It’s strange to write things like this down, but it’s something that I have been thinking about.

I’ve only kissed or tasted one man since I started dating my future husband, some 20 years ago. I haven’t been caressed or kissed by anyone since then. Even before I met my husband, I didn’t really have a lot of experience. I was naïve, and all I knew was that I was supposed to meet the right guy and marry him. Which I did, and I have never regretted that once in my life! I’d do it all over again.

I’m also not ashamed that I’ve been so faithful and loyal to my husband, since that’s all we knew about for most of our life. If I’d have cheated, it would have been a massive betrayal, and I would have regretted it. So I’m proud of how faithful I have been, and I love that I’ve never once given my husband a reason to doubt my loyalty.

But if I’m being honest, way down deep I have gotten curious about what another man would be like. Mainly things like kissing, hugging, holding close, but also much more explicit things too. I’m surprised at myself! But I feel free to imagine things a lot more lately.

My husband and I have been talking about some of his fantasies. I’ll admit, I was shocked at him at first, because I thought he’d be the last man to ever think about something like this. After I told him I didn’t like talking about this kind of thing (honestly, I was very uncomfortable), the truth is that it got in my head. It’s kind of like a song that’s too catchy, and so you have to whistle it or hum it all day. I just hadn’t known that there were other ideas out there.

I’m not at a point where I’m ready to start meeting guys to date, even though my husband says he’d be okay with that. I still have things to think about. But I definitely know I’m looking at men a whole lot differently these days.

What I found more surprising is that I’m looking at myself differently too. I haven’t lost anything, and I’m still the same loving wife and mom. What has happened is that I’ve got a whole different sense of how attractive I might be, or something like that. Hard to explain it exactly. My husband says he’s noticed “something different”, and we are having more (and I think better) sex than we have in years. Thanks, other guys! Lol.

This is all pretty new to me, and I’m still thinking it over. But I know that I definitely have some curiousity about what I might like to do. It’s not a threat to my husband, and it’s making a good thing even better.

I think I’m going to to try something I never tried, which is flirting. I never learned how, even when I was younger. I’m also paying more attention to what I find attractive in men. I’m honestly…just more horny lately. One day I came pretty close to downloading Tinder to see what it was like, but I chickened out. I think I want my husband to be there if I do that, and I’m still too chicken to bring it up. It’s hard enough to admit it anonymously, but it’s also liberating and sort of sexy.

I’m still the same loyal wifey, but I’m having some fun with my husband’s crazy idea. I’m also glad to see that we’re not alone. Is it just me, or does everyone else who’s 40 years old start doing things like this? I guess I just notice it more now that I’m looking into it.

Big questions I have about actually doing something like this are mostly about safety. I think I want to make sure I would only see a guy who has been tested. I’d want to be someplace safe and secret. I think I’d like to do it out of town, and have a real date. I like the idea of dinner and the whole works. These are some of the things I have questions about. But even the questions are sexy, which is something my husband pointed out.

Awesome—good luck, guys!!!

Have you seen this caption on people’s Facebook or Tumblr pages?

You know, usually on the page of your friend or relative who married a cheating douchebag, who then abandoned her when he was confronted? Yes, we can all agree that sucks. Nobody in their right mind would advocate for Mr. Cheato Jerkwad.

Yeah, this fills a need for them. It helps them imagine the love and security they never got from their partner. I’ll never ridicule them or argue on their timeline about it. They’ve already been through plenty.

What they’re trying to express with this caption is a deep-seated need we all have. They’re asking, “Will you be loyal to me? Or do I have to be afraid of losing you, too?”

We’re explicitly, totally against cheating. And we feel sorry for anyone who’s been betrayed.

Unfortunately, this caption also creates extremely unrealistic expectations. (Exactly as dumb and unrealistic as a lot of the ridiculous hotwifing captions you thumb through on here.)

If this is the measure of true love, you might as well hire an animator to paint you into a Disney movie, because this is a fantasy that doesn’t take into account biology, psychology, or the kind of development that occurs in the healthiest relationships.

Besides that, the whole thing is so vague. Who is “a psychology professor?” Is it a man or a woman? Are they American, Czech, Thai, or Hatian? Do they work at a big college, a community college, or a basement correspondence school? Did they say this in class, or while giving a toast at a wedding, or after watching a romantic comedy with friends?

It sounds more like somebody said something they really felt should be true, then looked for a way to give it some authority. “Oh, you know who people think are smart about these things? Psychology professors!” So they invented the fact that a psychology professor said this thing that they want to be true. It makes it feel more true.

But the statement itself is so absolute and one-sided. All people are absolutely monogamous demisexuals? Widows who still love their deceasing husband will never be able to get attracted to a living guy? Swingers who stay married for 60 years weren’t in love? You mean polyamorous people don’t exist? That’s pretty extreme.

Let’s get it straight: this isn’t a psychology fact at all. It’s…

  • a nice sentiment, like unicorns and Care Bears
  • a way for betrayed people to imagine what a better person would be like
  • guaranteed clickbait
  • widely believed, especially in conservative contexts (some churches teach things like this)
  • detrimental to people in real relationships
  • an extremist position
  • not something you’ll find agreeable to many real-world therapists and psychology professors
  • great for cartoons and Hallmark movies, but not for real life

So in conclusion, this meme applies in a way to cheaters and those they abandon. It’s completely irrelevant for most of us. And exploring our fantasies together in a loving, full-communication, functional marriage can go a long way to preventing people from even being tempted to cheat.

So ladies, keep checking out men’s butts, and be sure to tell your husband about it 😈. Guys, don’t start to develop needless anxiety because you read something like this caption. You’re both fine. Don’t let shit like this mess with your head. It doesn’t apply to us!

A Wife’s Guide for Bringing up Hotwifing

Emma writes that most people who raise the prospect of hotwifing are husbands. That’s probably true for now, for two reasons:

  1. Wives are only just beginning to hear about it, so the exposure hasn ’t been there for wives to consider it for very long, and
  2. Wives with the fantasy are more reluctant to bring it up for fear of triggering their husband’s jealousy, sounding slutty, or worse.

Regardless of why, the truth is that I hear about more and more wives who have this interest. They’re good wives who love their husbands, and they can’t imagine how to raise their fantasies with their husbands without hurting their feelings or angering them.

That’s where Emma’s article is so valuable. She explains why this topic can be so sensitive for husbands who haven’t previously considered it, and explains some ways for making sure he’s ready to listen. This is kind of a big bombshell to drop on men who have only ever heard of (a) monogamy or (b) cheating. He’s going to assume the worst if he can’t take a deep breath and hear about all the different options in between these two familiar words.

The basic needs he has are the same as yours: respect, confidence, boundaries, and a general sense of stability and security. If his needs for love and security are met, he’ll be more interested in listening.

You can also send him to sites like this one and others. Learning about compersion can be really important, and seeing just how aroused other husbands get by their wives “naughty behavior” can help them see different ways of looking at their wife’s sexuality. Ideally, he won’t just consent—hopefully he can get to where it turns him on like crazy. Like in all our dirty captions! 😈

As time goes on and more women get in touch with this fantasy, we’re going to need a lot more articles like this one!

The Reluctant Husband – A Shared Wife, hotwife blog, sex articles, erotica

Actually, it’s nice when you can find a playmate who can actually provide a mini-vacation!

Dinner, drinks, some sort of fun distractions…Even if you never actually had sex.

This is one of the big reasons why many married women seek out affairs after 10–20 years of marriage. It’s a shame they have to lie and deceive to get something that’s basically pretty understandable. And tame.

And as many specialists are concluding: besides the unethical deception, the long-term benefits can be really good. If you remove the terrible parts (lying, betrayal) and do it ethically, it can be extremely beneficial for a weary wife and mother.

(Even better if the husband finds it arousing to imagine what she’s doing.)

It’s just a short getaway, and you can return home to the family feeling very relaxed and ready to reconnect.

hotwifetricks:

http://hotwifetricks.tumblr.com/archive

This is one of the several reasons why so many husbands get turned on by this kink. He loves feeling possessive, and sharing only highlights that.

Husbands with this kink have a totally inaccurate reputation for not being possessive. For a lot of men, it’s a high-level possessiveness without jealousy. It’s almost like saying, “She’s mine, not yours—even if she lets you touch her, she’s coming right back to me.”

“I have something (actually some one) you’d love to experience. Will you get to touch her? Hmmm, that all depends on a lot of things…but I get to kiss her whenever. Because I’m a badass who’s married to this hottie.”

Hotwifing emphasizes:

  • The permanent, solid, immense value of the wife to the husband, that he’s incredibly infatuated and confident of his bond with her.
  • Her absolute desirability, that other men would want her like that, and that her desirability is a part of her, and that suppressing this desirability would be criminal.
  • The contingent, conditional, temporary value of other men outside the marriage—they have no innate relationship to her, only what she and her husband allow.
  • The wife’s conviction that her husband really finds her this desirable, and that she’s so confident about his commitment to her, and the realization that her relationship to any other man only emphasizes the permanent depth of their marriage commitment.

A crude, but effective, illustration I’ve heard elsewhere is that a man who values his wife like this can be compared to a guy who has a prized Lamborgini sports car.

This thing is a valuable, amazing possession. He’s going to be very possessive—don’t try to steal it! If you’re a decent and trustworthy person, sure, he’ll let you run your hand along the surface and sit in the seat. If you’re a really worthwhile person, he might let you go slowly down the driveway. If you’re really a special person who knows what they’re doing, he might sit in the passenger’s seat while you drive. But he’s going to be watching the whole time, and making sure you treat this prized possession better than they treat anything else.

And he has the satisfaction of knowing this car is his all day, every day. Letting you drive it and say “oooh, ahhh, amazing car” only reminds him that he’s the lucky owner.

Letting “her” go around the track once or twice with another driver only makes him more eager to get back in the driver’s seat of the car he loves.

Now, instead of a car a guy owns, replace it with a loving wife, a person who nobody actually owns and never really could. She chose him too, and loves him back. This is the woman he prizes above every physical object, whom he wants to grow old with. Nobody owns her, but he likes to feel like they willingly “own each other” in a way.

Just like that Lamborgini owner, he loves showing off his most amazing “prize.” Hearing someone praise her or get turned on by her would be scary if he didn’t truly trust that she loved him back. But he believes that they’re really meant for each other. Unlike a car, she loves him back—which really puts things over the edge for him. Like, a total wash of emotions!

Obviously, every metaphor has limits. This one? Be careful not to reduce a woman to a possession or an object. The lesson isn’t about her as some sort of possessed object. Please. The lesson is about the husband’s feelings. She can’t be possessed, but he still feels possessive. She can’t be owned, but he can get a satisfied feeling that resembles it enough to make it feel good.

It’s about all the trust and pride that goes with it.

This explains a little bit how so many husbands don’t feel jealous, but still feet super possessive of their relationships with their wife. People who jump right to jealousy without ever once trying to understand what jealousy means are missing something. And they’re not going to understand compersion, for sure!

Don’t mistake a lack of jealousy for the absence of care, love, and deep attachment. You can be very sharing and also very careful about your relationship.

Knowing that your wife turns on other guys can be incredibly arousing! But knowing she’s yours for life is priceless!

kinky-caps:

Kinky-Caps

http://kinky-caps.tumblr.com

Negative aspect of this caption, disclaimer style: women should feel confident and self-assured no matter what they do, what weight they are, or what they’re like sexually speaking. Same goes for guys too in different ways, but it’s more obvious how much women get torn down. Society sets up some crazy expectations. If a woman can’t be convinced she’s desirable or important without one or two specific activities (like sex), then she should probably investigate why she’s feeling that way. It could be a really deep issue. And sex isn’t going to be the answer, no matter what kind of sex we’re talking about. Sex isn’t a long-term cure-all.

Positive aspect of this caption: it’s true that women who sleep with other men often report an immediate surge in confidence and arousal. A lot of it seems to be biological, so it’s true of hotwifing, swinging, dating after divorce, or outright cheating. But in hotwifing couples, wives have an extra edge, compersion. Hotwives know their husbands are getting aroused by her arousal, besides the excitement of the variety with a new gentleman. It’s a massive cycle of arousal and confidence. This caption isn’t true for all people in every place and time, but it’s a huge part of couples’ success stories of modern hotwifing couples. Wives feel rejuvenated and transformed into a more vibrant way of thinking—often something she may have felt more of in youth, but now tempered with the wisdom of a more experienced wife and mother.

So with the caveat above in mind, it’s true: wives who date frequently say they’ve become more confident and satisfied.

How did your first hotwife experience feel? How did your hubby react? :)

northernutahhotwife:

There were so many “feelings” to keep track of! Emotionally, I was excited, scared, nervous, horny, giddy…

I was excited as this was something new that not every wife gets to experience. The guy was super sexy (still is actually), so I was excited to touch and be touched by him.

I was scared since this was so far out of what is socially acceptable and I wasn’t sure how it would affect my marriage. My husband seemed excited, but would it negatively affect the way he looked at me?

So nervous if I would do it “right”. I had only been with an ex-husband and my current husband. I was t sure what to expect with a new guy. No other man had touched me in this way in almost 15 years!

By the time we were on the way the guy’s place, I was SOOO horny! We were committed and my pussy was ready. My husband said he had never felt me so wet!

I was so giddy I couldn’t stop smiling the whole drive over. My husband’s reactions to my excitement made me so happy! My smile quickly changed to moans of pleasure once the guy got to work.

The physical feeling is hard to describe. Having a stranger’s hands and mouth touch me in such an intimate way was electrifying! And once his hard cock was between my legs, I had lost all inhibitions. He was lying on his back on the couch and I was straddling him cowgirl, with my tongue down his throat. I was completely unaware of my husband’s presence. I was sliding my super wet pussy along his shaft, no penatration yet. Then without thinking about it, my hips came up just a bit, and his cock slide in so easily! The sensation of having a new cock slide inside of me after 15 years of only enjoying my husband’s was overwhelming! I came almost immediately! My first playmate spent the next hour fucking me in multiple positions.

My husband reacted just as he expected to! He was so turned on to watch me enjoy a new cock. That’s all we talked about for the next couple weeks. He was a little disappointed with the way I became unaware of his presence for a bit. But he understood it was mostly out of my control. I did make an effort at future play dates to keep some focus on him.

How was that for a long winded answer?!